It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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