A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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