I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
