Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Alive.
So much puke
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
