My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
