she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize