Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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