Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
