My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
