Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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