I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize