Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
