Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
