just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
