Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
