apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
