your parents love me but you hate me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
