I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
