dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
