u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize