Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
