Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
