i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
