if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just pee around me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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