Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
