i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
