he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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