i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
