I want to have your abortion
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
