my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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