My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
