I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
