it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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