yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
