I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
