what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
