Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
