my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize