Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
