Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
