Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want nice things and good sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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