I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
