So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
