...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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