I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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