yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
