Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Boobs are out for the taking
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
