i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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