From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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