shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
