Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
