Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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