Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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