One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
