I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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