i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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