Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
