if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
