I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
