I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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