If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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