I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
