just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
