if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
