if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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