dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
