I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
